The soul that is built upon prayer cannot be hidden; it shines out brightly through the life that it lives. It speaks for itself, but in utter silence, and does much of its best work unconsciously.
— The Beatitudes
Saturday afternoon, January 1, 2005

My date for New Year's Eve was my grandson, who was asleep by 9. I was awake at midnight only because I was sleeping in a strange place, a friend's house in the country. I watched "The Last Time I Saw Paris" three or four times on the DVD player. Rotten resolution but no commercials. We had a very good time as usual; got back in town in time to go to lunch with his folks. I am happy to be back in the bed I have come to call my own, settling down for a badly needed nap. Hopefully the neighbors will run out of M-80s soon, and they will nap, too. The weather is spectacular for January 1, high 60s, shirtsleeves, windows down in the car. So grateful to be warm, well-fed and loved.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

I have been a slug. I did get out yesterday to visit a thrift store; poured rain but temp in the 60s. I'm battling a little depression, probably just holiday letdown and inactivity. Halfway trying to plan a little road trip.

My birthday is next Tuesday; Mom is trying to get everyone together for dinner. Enough said.

I am powerless today.

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Thursday, January 6, 2005

I need a calendar; I am losing track of the days. I also need to concentrate on writing "2005".

The weather is causing me some discomfort but I am determined to see Ms. R. this a.m. about working in her shop. Also need to send a tickler to that ad agency.

Was about to store last year's journal when I flipped open to a page I had channeled; lovely, cheering, reassuring, comforting. I transcribed it and set it as my desktop image. I need to read it often for awhile.

I have a hair appointment at 3; grandson started his new day care today. Estranged spouse asked for a reduction in "allowance" due to car insurance. I need something to do. If the flower shop can't help me, I will have to look elsewhere, try harder, pray harder. My needs are being met but my wants are beginning to overwhelm me!

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Monday, January 10, 2005

I had a nearly wonderful weekend: R and I played a lot of Upwords. I worked a lot of jigsaw puzzles. Lunch with parental unit yesterday was tolerable. Things are a little subdued after recent discussion/argument. I am trying to set boundaries and maintain compassion at the same time. It is not easy.

I fell asleep yesterday while journaling. It is during this time I feel most peaceful. Even the sounds can be happy, the dripping tap, the barking dog, the humming CPU all seem rather soothing. The air is cool and soft.

My reading in Emmet Fox helps me to see how much I have grown spiritually in the last few months. And it causes me to yearn for more. By seeing the evidence of progress, one knows that progress is possible. Therefore, if one can move from A to B, then one has the hope of moving on to C, D, and on.

I have committed to making R's sheers this a.m. E & C are gone and I have no pressing commitments.

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

I can't remember when I've had a happier birthday week. M. stayed last night for dinner and Upwords and the four of us laughed all evening. I had severe fibro brain fog and made the most ridiculous errors all day long. I am really uncomfortable today, the cold front is approaching and I am hurting. I got my quote off to the the ad agency and hope to start work tomorrow. But right now I'm going to see if Advil will help.

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