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| "...pain has been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price...led us to a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever." |
| Monday morning, May 9, 2005: humility & serenity Last week I chaired a meeting on humility. There is so much about it in the Literature, yet I am never certain I know exactly what it means. BB says "the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of (the) Twelve Steps. BW also said, "Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places, to find and to do the will of God." Last week I think I had a few fleeting moments to know what humility feels like. CR said on Thursday "humility is something that happens to you." Another reference states, "...humility amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be." I think my moments of humility reside largely in how deeply and honestly I am willing to look at myself as the source of my conflicts. This is not necessarily a condition for self-chastisement; many conflicts are borne of an attempt at clearer communication, honest efforts and right thinking. But consequences are not always what we expect, and it is often the consequences that we find so difficult to navigate. I was blessed many times in the last few days by unexpected affirmation from family and friends. Muchly unexpected! I felt I spent a lot of it floundering, or as I put it Saturday night, hitting my emotional thumb with a hammer. But nearly every time I found myself unhappy with my circumstances, I lifted my eyes to God and asked for help. If not for direct resolution of the problem, then at least a willingness to stay in it. Today most of those problems are gone, or resolving. Others remain, but the way I feel about them has changed. I no longer see them as problems, but issues that need attention, and some of them do not need all that much attention right at this moment. Some clearly need to remain fully under God's management, and I believe I will know when it is time for me to step forward and take direct action. I also know from experience that some of those problems will just go quietly away if I don't stir them up. And today I think I am serene enough to allow my day to unfold in exactly that way. Tuesday, May 10, 2005: service I finally got all the way through TSOTM last night. I immediately want to start over, like sitting through a movie a second time. The last quarter of the book was astonishing and more powerful than I could have imagined. The Spirit that dictated that text through Emmet Fox is clearly Divine, in my humble opinion. Then what started out as a simple head and neck massage became a stunning Reiki session. At least that how it is being described to me. I personally do not know, or have knowledge of information about what I am doing. It is sometimes accompanied by channeling, or it is actually a facet of channeling or a partner part. During the session there was imagery and I was guided to speak. There were a couple of psychic exchanges between me and the recipient, which we discovered afterwards. A recent affirmation sent to me from Touchstones asks, "What fires you?" My answer: this does. That kind of healing energy coming through me cannot help but leave its effects on the channel. And perhaps that is the magic of service. We humble ourselves to the task, or open ourselves to give, and the Spirit moves through us to perform what is required of those in need or want. And by that action, we experience the Spirit moving through us as through a channel, and we experience healing as well as providing comfort, reassurance, support to others. Such is the gift of service. So we may conclude that, in the times when we are called upon to perform tasks by which we do not obviously benefit or feel satisfied, but which clearly achieve some good or worthy purpose, in those times perhaps we are simply being of service. When we feel we are not accomplishing anything by "being there," perhaps we are extending assistance in a way we do not completely undertand or even to which we are completely oblivious. So when I think, "I'm too good (smart, capable, busy) to "do" this, that may be a time to reflect: what purpose do I serve? And try to see that the "purpose" may be to provide comfort, reassurance, support, or even hope. |